I don’t have a title for this note… i don’t have a start written, because thats not how life starts, its not about giving a name or having a plan.. as we all know, seldom do names or plans work.. its about finding the right path, discovering your journey and taking it to the finish line correctly… And what is correct? how do you know that the path you’ve chosen or the direction you’re going in, is true.. how do you measure yourself?? do you let the world tell you whats right/true/success or do you listen to yourself…
this is my story, my true story… my struggle with the world. For someone who has always been on the other side of the bridge (as far as the world is concerned), I gave in to the world. I let dogma dictate my actions and I surrendered when I should have stood up for my self.
Theres a fine line between whats right and whats not, whats acceptable and whats not… and for people who’re surrendering to the world, it can get a little blurred. Tradition, culture, dogma are, all ways and methods used by the crowd to push people like us in a corner.
For them, these are extremely important because they can never imagine walking against the tide or breaking away from the crowd. When I surrendered to this world and its demands I gave in completely, I lost track of that fine line, I became what I was not because thats what the world demanded from me, the very people in my life expected it of me. I thought i was doing the right thing. I was told I was doing the right thing again and again. You know how it is, in such situations one keeps ignoring the signs, one keeps hoping for the better, one keeps telling oneself that its only their own paranoia thats creating these delusions, until one day you’re woken from your deep sleep and you realise that your life’s turned into a sham. That the most meaningful relationship that you’re supposed to have is nothing but a facade, hollow from the inside, sucking the life out of you and your soul. what do you do when this happens?
well, I’ve seen a few other people go through this, I’ve seen them go through the turmoil and the disease that follows. Disease, its in reality just that. The process of healing oneself from such devastation is sometimes to break yourself completely. To knock down every little substance that you have and then to rebuild yourself again, brick by brick, layer by layer.
There are people whom you see going through this, mostly though its the downward spiral, its not done with the intention of rebuilding but just destroying. I’ve seen people go through alcohol, smokes,pot or drugs just to run away from the pain. But there is a better way, a way that lifts you up, that makes you really deal with pain instead, that helps you to get to know oneself from the start. To reaffirm ones own truth. Instead of turning outward to relieve you of your pain, why not turn inward slowly? Its like, how you have to take it really slow after a big bout of Jaundice, you have to let your body be, not stretch it, let it gain its strength back day after day, month after month only this time its your soul.
Well, this is what I am doing, what YOGA is teaching me… I’m knocking down my walls, learning to love myself again and building the person that i once was, only this time, better. Everyday I learn from my mistakes, I try and reach my innermost being through my practice and I’m realising the importance of being true to my self. My Yoga practice is taking me places that I’ve never reached before, its not just about making myself physically fit or being more beautiful on the outside… but its about finding my own True Happiness…my place of Peace… where reality (no matter how harsh) can be accepted and then Forgiven.
This is my journey, inward, where I grow with the help of Yoga, I put an end to my struggles and start acknowledging my spirit. I didn’t have a name in the beginning, but I do hope to have a name for myself when I finish.