You probably recognise this. Your best friend is coming up to you and says: ‘Why do i always get into a relationship with men that hurt me?’ or ‘Why do i always get into trouble with bosses at work? ‘And you know exactly what the reason is, and you have probably talked about this with your friend before. But you are a friend and again you help your friend by responding in a loving and understanding way and trying to help your friend by giving suggestions and understanding her patterns.

Now put yourself in place of your friend. And ask yourself that question. That question that always comes up. In other words: recognise situations and relationships that keep coming back in your life and that keep creating problems and pain and tears. Why? Because it is those situations that can teach you the most. It is exactly those situations/relationships with similar patterns that you are supposed to learn from. And until you have not understood that relationship or situation clearly you are bound to make the same ‘mistakes’ and you will keep running into them again and again.

Once you have identified that situation, instead of calling your friend and discussing the situation. Go sit quietly somewhere where you cannot be disturbed. Turn of your phone and deeply reflect on the situation. Reflect and see if you can dig a little deeper into the issue, try to go deeper than the usual superficial reflection that you might have done before. This might need some time and repetition. To write down this situation, this pattern that is reoccurring in your life, stick it on the wall and for one week reflect on it every day for lets say 15 minutes. Now while you are reflecting your mind might wander off but just keep going back to it. I promise you that your understanding will have deepened after deeply looking into for seven days. Naturlly with understanding some conclusion might come up, some conclusion about changes that you might have to make. Here too, reflect on those until you deeply feel that they are good changes and maybe solutions. Doing this will strengthen yourself and your decision making and it will save your friend from repeating his/her advice once again 🙂

Merel Martens

 

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